Self-Care in Young Adulthood

I actually had a client in my office say the other day, "I hate that phrase. It sounds so weak and cliche." If you're a woman, in your 20s, 30s, or 40s, the idea of "self-care" might be just that, an idea. The more I've worked with others, especially millennials, the more I learn that I need it. That you need it too. Self-care in your young adulthood doesn't have to feel like a chore or a cliched excuse for getting your nails done instead of attending to the 9,847,987 other things that need to get done. It can be a way to engage in self-exploration and cross off a few things on your bucket list. 

While self-care is difficult for most people, it can present as even more challenging if you're in your 20s or 30s. For the most part, millennials are getting on their feet, hearing the world tell them they can do anything and usually not having the funds or resources to do that. Some millennials will begin to resent the messages of the generations before them and even question their worth -- the so-called quarter-life crisis. If you're in the thick of sacrificing your values and life goals for that job opportunity that seems impassable or that relationship you're still holding on to, self-care could be the trick to finding the closest realistic balance in your life and maybe finding yourself. 

Okay, so this can get a little hoaky or cliche, and with everything, I try to take my own experience and attempt to show why the steps are worth taking. So, INCOMING LIFE STORY ALERT:

In high school and college, I was what one would call a "floater." I went from group to group easily but I didn't have my thing. The thing that I felt I could pour and invest my life into the outside of school, relationships, working, sobbing softly at night while contemplating the ultimate meaning of life -- you know, the usual. I'd see my friends get involved in things that they really enjoyed -- hobbies, travel, humanitarianism. I did all of it, kinda, but never really for realsies. I danced starting in my junior year of high school and did it up until my second-to-last semester in college. But at that point, I was so behind the girls who had been doing it forever that I felt like a fraud. If it weren't for my best friend is in the group with me, I probably would have quit. Then I got married.

Boy, if you don't have a good grip on your Demi Lovato "Camp Rock" identity, there's nothing like marriage to push you into the proverbial "becoming your significant other" life trajectory. 

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I started becoming interested in my husband's interests: board games, video games, not talking to humans  (INTROVERTED HUSBAND JOKE). Now I love those things, but they were taking up a good portion of my time and it wasn't my thing. I was therefore, a wife, a student, a friend. That's it. Nothing wrong with those things, they just didn't fill up my "passions tank".

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It didn't help that I dressed the way I felt I was expected to dress and was the ethnic minority amongst all of my associated peoples so I felt shy about talking the way I wanted to talk. Several nights were spent in my early months of marriage crying in my husband's dinner, envious of his pursuit of his things: video production, games, etc.

It wasn't until like, two minutes ago, that I finally figured out how to take care of myself. Since then, I've felt like I've gotten my letter to Hogwarts and a true sense of who I am.

I found that taking care of myself led to a more positive thought process about myself, and I started to like myself. Like, I actually think I'm an okay human being. Instead of looking at the mirror in the horror of what was looking back, I started to engage in more positive self-talk: "Okay, we're not looking super fab today, but some makeup and coffee and LOOK OUT WORLD, here comes me."

Okay, so how do you begin taking care of yourself? Here comes the obligatory BLOG LISTICLE!

Build Boundaries Around "Me-Time"

Once I stopped being polite, and started getting real, and by that I mean, kindly telling my husband that while it tore me up inside that I wouldn't get to spend an hour or two duking it out at Pokemon cards, I was going to instead get a massage or go out for a drink with my lady friends. Literally his response was, "Okay, have fun." I realized that the world wouldn't end if I took an hour or two every couple of days to recharge and do something I WANTED TO DO. He'd still be able to feed himself, the dishes would still get done, and the Earth as we know it will continue to slowly decay -- TOO DEEP, TOO DEEP! So I've set a couple of weekly or monthly events in my schedule that no one gets to touch but me. 

Do The Thing You've "Always Wanted To Do."

If I had a dollar for every time I said, "I really want to ..." without doing it, I would still be broke. Regardless, this year I committed to trying things I've always said I'm going to do. I got rid of a lot of my old clothes and started purchasing items that I've always wanted to wear but never had the courage to wear. I was afraid I would end up looking like someone else. Really, I was just going to be looking like me -- who I wanted to look like. AWW! What a break through moment. 

I've always said I want to play the drums. So I started taking lessons. Now I'm obsessed. I just got a new pair of sticks, and I bought an electric kit so I can get better and practice at home. It feels like I've finally found "my thing" to that I can dedicate hours and time and feel like I'm refueling my sanity and empathy. So, sign up, join, or go on whatever that thing that you've always wanted to ... You'll learn a lot about yourself and what you can create and invent in your life.

Start Now

As one of the wisest men once said, you only live once, that's the motha' effin' logo. Before life starts getting more real, put some guardrails around your self-preservation. Because I'm taking care of myself now, I'm a better wife, student, and friend. And that's enough for me.