Words WILL Hurt You
In the critically acclaimed best film series to have ever existed, "Harry Potter," a dark wizard rises to power and jeopardizes the very existence of the magical world in which peace is at the center.
As we follow Harry Potter in his journey to defeat Voldemort (the best villain name ever), we learn that in order to be immortal he has split his soul into seven parts -- actually eight parts, but that's too involved for the sake of this post.
The way he does that is by committing an act capable of ripping your soul: murder.
Now, while I definitely think that murder could rip someone's soul apart, I also believe there's something else we do as people that crush and rips our soul apart: Being careless with our words. In anger, fear, sadness, and especially in ignorance, we say things to each other that can cause so much damage that it's unnatural for us to feel settled after the offense has taken place.
Today I was on the offending line, and man have I learned some things about my carelessness.
Hurting others causes damage to our own self-esteem and identity.
If you are a person with a pulse then you've probably said something to someone that you wish you could immediately take back. You relive that moment over and over again, and each time you think about it, you hear the words louder and louder in your head. After a while, the verbalization turns into gas for negative thoughts about yourself. After I made my careless mistake, I was disgusted with myself. I was disappointed that I, a therapist, could even make such a folly. This is a kinda selfish lesson, but when we hurt others with words, our souls/personalities / whatever-you-want-to-call-it feels unsettled inside. A perfect opportunity to let distorted thoughts and core beliefs run rampant in our self-concepts.
Wounds caused by words last longer than physical wounds.
I know this is pretty self-evident, but I think we need the reminder from time to time. Despite the sticks and stones rhyme having crossed the lips of every first grader to have ever lived, words do hurt us. Badly. I can think back on times when I fell or hit something really hard, and it's almost impossible to recall the pain I felt. When I think of the wounds I've acquired when being on the other side of stinging words, I can almost feel myself back at the moment. The emotion is palpable. The effects of the words still linger in the way I make decisions, the way I look at myself in the mirror, and the way I interact with the world around me.
Words perpetuate ideas. Ideas are powerful.
We only know what the objects around us are because we've made words for them. Words make ideas a reality. Words make language, and language is power. Language is what differentiates us from animals, some of which are very powerful and have a great purpose in our world. Our words give structure to thoughts in our heads and give voice to the emotions we feel. Therefore, when our words are fueled by anger, hate, or ignorance, we are perpetuating ideas that marginalize and make others feel smaller when they are no different than you and me.
I can't stop thinking about the offense I made with the words that so carelessly, dare I say effortlessly, came out of my mouth. I feel terrible and awful and just crappy. I resolve not to let there be a next time. Because I won't allow myself to do something so unnatural as hurting someone else so deeply that they question who they are and why they matter.