The Quarter-Life Crisis is Legit AF
I turned 25 recently, so I'm relatively young. If I look both ways before I cross the street and don't get diagnosed with something terminal, I should expect to still have a long way to go before I die. *crosses fingers*
Despite the fact that the rest of my life is still plentiful and abundant, there's still a part of me that occasionally enters into this realm of existential thought that only seems to be shaken by re-watching Harry Potter movies for the 2,564th time. Then, one day when reading through a counseling periodical -- yes, that's still a thing, folks -- I read an article entitled "Validating the Quarter Life Crisis." The article discussed the realness (like fo' real, realness) of the quarter-life crisis and that as counselors we have to help clients navigate through the struggle of accepting the fact that the safety net of school and parents are gone and that its time to #adult.
As a person who may or may not be (I REALLY AM) experiencing the quarter-life crisis, I figured I'd lay out what it is, what it isn't, and how to navigate through it.
What is the Quarter-Life Crisis?
The article I read described the quarter-life crisis as "a developmental time period of potentially high anxiety." I'd amend that to read "DEFINITELY" high anxiety. At this age, people are deciding what the next steps are after earning an abstract-ass degree, usually dealing with a crap-ton of debt, and resolving that WE ARE NOT MOVING BACK IN WITH OUR PARENTS.
Depending on your social circle, you might be seeing tons of friends getting married and having kids -- the boat I'm in (but 'dose babies be cute 'do). Or you may be witnessing friends move back in with their parents and still have the stamina to party until the wee hours of the morning all while making bank at their first corporate job.
The comparison trap is a big deal in one's early twenties. I know this personally. My husband and I are in a community group with other married couples, and we are most def' the brokest couple of the bunch. We both have unstable incomes and a certifiably ominous mountain of debt to pay back. All these decisions, comparisons, and thrusts into "adulting" culture make for one hell of a crisis.
What the Quarter-Life Crisis isn’t
An excuse to be a poop head. That's pretty much it.
How to Get Through It
Every season of life is a prime opportunity to get to learn about yourself and what plans you have for your life. The quarter-life crisis is definitely one of those opportunities. Here are a few things that can help you get through it.
1. Quit comparing yourself to others (Edi, are you listening?!)
Comparing yourself to your peers is a danger zone, especially if you're in the thick of a quarter-life crisis. There are countless Instagram pictures I see of fellow 25-year-olds that I wish were tangible pictures so I could burn them in a ceremonial envy ceremony. Too much?
When we compare ourselves to others, we are more prone to believing distorted thoughts that we're worthless, nothing, and taking up space. Comparing ourselves to others also leads to black-and-white thinking, a cognitive distortion -- that's a fancy word for thinking that isn't completely based on logic or reality.
Here's what a verbalization of that thought looks like: "Madeline just got a job at Home Depot as a Social Media Coordinator. I'll never amount to anything at this rate." You think something is true of someone, and if you don't amount to what's true for that person then your life might as well be spent putting needles in haystacks for weird festivals.
A great way to challenge thoughts of comparison is to re-frame those thoughts into positive and motivational verbalizations. "Madeline just got a job at Home Depot as a Social Media Coordinator. I'm happy for her and it inspires me to know that my goals are achievable." Practicing re-framing thoughts will rewire your brain to see things in a more positive light.
2. Power up 'dem hobbies
Many times, millennials experience quarter-life crises because they're in a job they don't enjoy. Or maybe they feel like their quality of life doesn't match where they ultimately want to be. They might even be completely powerless to change it.
What if you can't control your current job climate because you need more experience to be qualified for a better job? What if you can't move out of your parent's home because you have a load of student debt to address? Work on the things you CAN control, and give yourself a break to engage in a creative and therapeutic outlet.
I've started reaching out to music teachers to learn how to play the drums. It's super random, but it's something I've always wanted to try. I'm young now, so why not give myself arthritis by banging on a round piece of tight fabric and get all my anxiety/angst out?! If you live in a city, there are always free things to do in the community that can spark a new hobby or reminds you of things you used to do when you were in school and had no cares in the world.
3. Learn more about your world-view
The blessing of a quarter-life crisis is that it gives you the opportunity to explore what you want out of your life, what you REALLY like to do, and what you're good at. These things require self-exploration, something you may not have experienced if you were busting your two cheeks getting a degree, and "doing what everyone else did."
Use this current crisis as an opportunity to look into yourself and figure out what you believe about the world and how you want to engage in it. It may mean that what you just spent four to ten years studying was for nothing. And that's okay. The beauty of being young and having free will is that you're not bound to one specific trade or worldview.
Ultimately, the quarter-life crisis in a positive light can be an opportunity for you to confront your fears, and mortality, and give you the freedom to live the life you REALLY want to live.