What's in a Name?

Alright ya'll, this one is a little personal, but it's been a reoccurring theme in this current season of my life, so I thought I'd share what I've learned about externalization.

Embedded into the core of Narrative Therapy, is a technique called externalization. Like many counseling techniques, including the one I discussed two weeks ago, externalization is quite simple in theory. You name something with a label because identifying it as such helps alleviate the judgments placed around it. 

For example, if one had problems with self-esteem and was given critical feedback on an assignment, an externalization can look like this: "I'm really disappointed in myself, and I know that most of these negative feelings have to do with my low self-esteem." In this example, the individual named low self-esteem as the main source of the disappointment around the assignment which alleviated any frustration around feeling disappointed.

Here's a more personal anecdote. Two weeks ago, my counselor named something for me: trauma.

When she said the words, I initially felt relieved. Freed. Exonerated. Something in me was released. A powerful truth that validated a lot of my experiences as a child and adolescent. 

Immediately following this release, I felt resistance. Trauma was a strong word. I've heard clients talk about trauma and my experiences didn't feel like this. Noticing my resistance, my counselor checked in with me. "Can I call it that?" she asked. I broke. 

Comforted and validated, I sobbed quietly. This is what naming something for what it is, does. It helps build self-compassion. It allows us to be graceful toward ourselves. Don't confuse this for an excuse. My traumatic experiences don't pardon me from anything.

But giving myself the permission to feel, to experience, to grow. That's awesome. 

So! What does this look like for you? With many techniques I discuss, practice is key. It might start off simply. You might be frustrated at traffic and name the anger, "I'm so pissed right now." Naming insecurity can help alleviate perfectionistic tendencies. For those who experience anxiety or depression, naming the experience as such can help shift from painful comfort to difficult but welcoming growth. Externalize everything you experience as difficult and overwhelming, and give yourself some credit. 

When my clients get to the point where they can call a delusion or a hallucination or anxiety and depression, a symptom -- that's big. This removes the experience of depression, anxiety, and psychosis from their core self. The experiences become outward and manageable. The shift can take place. Change can happen.